Journal Entry 4-14-20
Today was pretty good all things considered. I mean in regards to my day. In other news, there have been over 2,400 deaths in the U.S. today. This is the highest recorded so far. People on subreddit /r/coronavirus are always trying to predict when the lockdowns will be over, but with records being broken I don't think we'll be completely done with quarantine. Hell, we have probably 18 months until an effective vaccine is made. Think about that, 18 months of every day possibly being the day you get infected. Every time you pass by someone is a potential infection event. It's absolutely insane to think that things will go back to normal for the foreseeable future. Maybe I'm paying too much attention to the news, it definitely doesn't make me feel better. However, I just don't see how anyone watching the bigger picture of things could be blind to what's happening. It won't be long until our freedoms are infringed on further. Some places are already starting to track their people with their cell phones.
I don't know how people will view this period of time in the future, but if they're in disbelief, that's an understatement for those currently living in it. If you were to tell me in 2015 that Donald Trump would be leading the nation in a fight again a global pandemic that originated in China and will infect millions and kill hundreds of thousands, I would just write you off as crazy. This is utterly surreal. I have days where I just want to forget about it all. Just drink alcohol to stop caring about it all. It's very tempting not just because of the boredom of being home all the time, but since I'm in this position of wanting to lead the fight in mental health, I feel this immense responsibility and pressure that is almost soul-crushing. I wish I had more of an impact on the world around me, but these times show me that I'm definitely in a growing stage. It's interesting to be so humbled by a virus that started on the other side of the planet. To feel a responsibility with World Powered Designs' goals is to take the world under my wing. Despite having much experience with chaos and isolation from how I grew up, this is a different beast.
I am finding that every new challenge in life is an opportunity to step up or an opportunity to step down. That sounds very cliche when writing that out, but it's true. It also seems that in stressful times like these where everyone now has a degree of responsibility to those around them that being able to trust that you can rely on yourself is important. The funny thing about saying all this is that, despite knowing all these things, it still takes a large amount of discipline to make it happen. I'll have to give the solution to that problem some more thought on another day when I understand it better.