Journal Entry 4-27-20
It's been a few days! Just been being completely unproductive. It seems that is very easy to do during this quarantine. Anyways I figure I should fill in the blank spots of what's been happening.
It seems that most people are going back to daily life. Even though the pandemic is worse than ever in numbers, people are getting tired of being stuck at home. Many like myself need to work as well to keep afloat. There are only 3,000 confirmed cases here in San Diego, but I'm extremely suspicious of this number as I personally don't even know where to go to get a test. It seems that the only information being advertised to the masses is to stay at home, but I have yet to see one about where to get testing.
I've been thinking about loneliness as a concept lately. With all this isolation it seems I've reached the point where I'm thinking more metaphysically than physically living. It seems that loneliness comes with a certain degree of confusion. The confusion as to whether you are okay with how you are right now. With confusion comes frustration, and with frustration comes retaliation. Just like with most uncomfortable situations like dealing with prejudice now that I think about it. It always starts with confusion, then frustration, then retaliation. The fear of losing control is very strong and we can either run away or attack. Sometimes we can run away by indulging in vices like drugs or alcohol or we can attack by attacking the offending party. However, it seems that running away might be a form of attacking when considering drugs and alcohol hurt ourselves in the long run. We know it hurts us but we can rationalize the continued use of it. Strange, yet interesting.
Right now it's 4:46am, and I haven't been up this early in a long time. There's something so peaceful about 4am. No one else is up, and you have time to just relax with no pressure to do anything. But since there's no pressure to do anything you feel free to do anything. Maybe if we just felt no pressure to perform during the day, every time could feel like 4am?