Journal Entry 5-29-20
The delusion of life as a game. I've been thinking about how everyone is insecure and weird on the inside. However, the difference in society between a "weird" person or "insecure" person is how well they can fake not being weird or insecure. Holding a mental frame in a way that represents yourself in a more stable manner is how many get through life. I think that's why I tend to get along better with those who hold no frame because they are showing themselves more purely. These tend to be people who do not hold a strong father figure that would have showed them the importance of maintaining a strong mental frame.
I guess this is part of the game of life that to live the most prosperous life for ourselves and our family, we have to maintain a strong frame that even though is not our pure selves, it helps us protect. Side note this reminded me of the book Pimp by Iceberg Slim. In the book, he mentions how pimps are the loneliest people on earth and can never let anyone know who they truly are. I suppose this is because they have control in their life not because they themselves have power over others, but that their frame or archetype they have built and maintained a stable reputation for is maintaining and the transcendental idea of perfection that is greater in power than others' power.
Allowing others to slowly get to know the real you is one strategy in this game. The strategy I want to try is being extremely open about who I am and maintaining this as my strong mental frame. My story is my mental frame and my story holds influence and power because it is a strong story with good backing. I think this might be what makes someone unique is their frame having the same cliche strong frame mentality of masculinity, but having the flare of genuine purity.
I want to find a way to tell my story on a very low key level while slowly letting others who are interested get to know the whole story in detail. I think this might be how someone gets out of a rut in life. They take on a new mental frame to feed into. When they slip back into their true weird and insecure self they can readjust by realizing they have to get back on track to their strong mental frame they are trying to build. To build a new life for yourself you have to create a new identity. You have to feed into this identity like it is your own child. Every little bit of every day can be part of feeding into this identity. You have to keep moving forward with the actions this strong mental frame character you are creating would act upon or else you'll sink back into being your weaker self, but for the worse now you are in deeper water without your life vest.
This is the difference between being a mason and being someone making a house of cards. Your new identity is not 2 dimensional like cards there are 3 dimensions to the purpose of such a quest such as living a purposeful life.