Journal Entry 5-3-20
The past few days have been a whirlwind of work! Wow, I haven't been this tired in a long time, but the money is flowing in nicely again which is well worth the relief of not feeling the financial strain. Lately, I've been more social and talking to friends and catching up via text, etc. But I am working to remain focused on my responsibilities. I have to stop and ask Siri to set up reminders for me seemingly every 15 minutes to keep up with the number of things I have to remember and thank god for Siri in this regard.
My mental health is staying steady as we go into the 3rd month of this whole debacle. There are now reports however that this virus was in fact messed with in the Wuhan lab. That definitely makes sense when looking at places like Ecuador that is being absolutely rampaged by this disease. Some more controversial internet groups are calling Covid-19 "Airborne HIV". This is because it has the S-protein that is also in HIV. So this kinda has me worried as to the long term effects of this disease. So far in the U.S. as of today, there have been 68,598 deaths. Reports are that the death toll is well into the 6 figures now though as many deaths are not reported as Covid-19 even though they were. Such a deadly disease even with top-notch health care. I hope people can sustain a long road ahead of social distancing and quarantine. It looks like these guidelines will be the norm for months if not years ahead.
For me, this reopens my motivation for making sure the public has access to affordable and effective mental health care. This would be in the form of software for now, but hopefully one day in person as well. I just feel like everyone is so scared and awkward these days. We were already losing our ability to communicate with one another and now we don't even know how to communicate our thoughts and feelings with ourselves without desperately seeking the next distraction to keep their thoughts out of their head. I'm not saying I'm perfect in this regard, I've been guilty of indulging in vices like alcohol for example during this quarantine.
I think it's understandable yet a poor choice, and I'm turning to imagine myself as an older and wiser version of myself telling my present self to stay disciplined. This is similar to David Goggins in his quest to create "Goggins". I know all of this makes me a very intense person, and sometimes I have trouble coming to terms with my own personality. It's strange being surrounded by those with no worries or concerns (or at least not the same ones as myself) and I find myself feeling not lonely but just outside at times. I rarely feel lonely anymore due to my introverted nature. Sometimes I struggle with the idea that I might just be weird. But then I remember where I've come from in life and where I'm going.
A big reminder of this was that my mother finally got her architectural license yesterday. After decades of trying she finally achieved this massive goal for her and is a homeowner as well now. On the phone, with her, she made sure to tell me it doesn't matter how long it takes to reach a goal, just that you stick to it.
I hope to incorporate many of these ideas into WPD. For myself, I found that seeking a job that gave me lots of alone time (car detailing) to think gave me the ability to think of why I'm so excited about what I'm passionate about (WPD). I love the idea of helping millions of people in a truly valuable way. Many people don't realize or accept that anything is possible still. Dedication to self-education and hard work are two of the biggest components in my life thus far.
I think I'll just end this on the note that controlling your emotions and actions can breed freedom unlike ever before experienced. This freedom is terrifying but once you dig in with a little help from your alter-ego "Goggins" self, you can find true peace.